How Big Is Your Life?

“I lead a small life, but a valuable one. Do I do it because I like it – or because I haven’t been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of what I read in a book – and I wonder, ‘Shouldn’t it be the other way round?’”

These are the words Meg Ryan sends to her online friend in the movie, “You’ve Got Mail”.
I recently watched this movie again and this time thoroughly enjoyed it. New and open-minded eyes see things differently!

The story of the movie continues in that Meg Ryan is forced out of business (a small, intimate bookshop) by a mighty empirical book chain-store.
Naturally, as she is being ousted out of her comfortable life she feels angry, bitter and resentful. This store, having been handed down from her mother, has been hers all her life!
As she starts to see the other side of the proverbial fence and understands what the chain store offers, she realises that change may indeed be necessary. People and the book market have progressed and with this her limited view of the world changes and she decides to close down.

The end of the movie finds a completely different Meg Ryan – one who is enjoying life for herself. She is writing a book and exploring new-found love in her arch-enemy. She’s open to unknown opportunity presented in unknown guises.

What she reads in books now reminds her of her life and not the other way round. Her happiness is found in her life, not solely in the pages of a book. She (literally) closed the doors on the known (her business) and opened them to the unknown where she found both personal freedom and love.

How often do you find (or even better, create) uncomfortable situations? Or do you fiercely avoid them?

To be uncomfortable is to grow. If you’re growing and exploring, you’ll find new things – perhaps even happiness and love.

How big a role do you play in your own life?
What are you actively creating in it?

I see so many people who have limited views of themselves and of their lives. They doggedly attach to standards and expectations which may keep them ‘boxed in’.

This even happens with people who are already walking down a personal-development (or career development) path. They may have found their purpose or their goal, and become so attached to this that they’re no longer able to let go and explore new opportunities around them. Some of which may be completely different to what they envisioned!

Life changes continually – how do you respond?
Allow yourself to step out of your self-imposed, protected comfort zone and see what lies on the other side. You may be surprised – and even better, surprise yourself!

As life is really about who you become during it, rather than what you achieve in it – give yourself permission to change.
Both internally and externally.
This leads to a larger life – and a deeper expression of yourself.
And this in turn provides the freedom so often longed for.

“I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I wouldn’t fail. The same four walls and busywork were really more like jail.”
(Author of ‘My Comfort Zone’)

Simple Fullness

I’ve discovered a bench in a park just up the road from where I live. I found myself (almost by accident through seeking out shade) sitting on it a few times in the past week. Just sitting, watching dragonflies and wagtails playing… not with each other mind you. Time flew quickly as I felt immersed in this moment.

On the other hand, someone suggested to me this past week that I see more into situations than their initial simplicity may suggest (especially movies). My first thought in reaction to this was, “Do I overcomplicate things?” – But soon realised instead that I allow myself to appreciate the full spectrum of life.
This ranges from the simple hovering of a dragonfly (for 40 minutes) to the complexities and potential meaning behind the super-complicated TV series “Fringe”.

Seeing things in a variety of ways allows me to live a rich and full life of the meaning I give it. Be it simple or complex.
It’s all within my choice to create and appreciate as I choose.

Do you choose to actually look and experience the things/events in your life?
Or do you merely watch them pass you amidst the hustle and bustle of everyday commitments?

What provides you with richness and fullness on a daily basis?
Choose, Create and then Appreciate it all.

Have an awesome week, Being Perfectly You.
www.completelyhuman.com

Living With Uncertainty

One of the toughest things that students in my Authentic course struggle with is the concept (or reality) of Uncertainty.
Uncertainty leaves you unsteady and unsure. Of yourself and of life.
Without a doubt, many of us thrive on control and wanting things to be a certain way. And this often extends to control over people as well.

The feeling of knowing what’s going to happen at any time provides an illusion of control. Only if you feel like you hold the reins of your life, does everything seem familiar and OK. Life then seems less unknown or scary.
 What things in your life seem beyond your control?
 So…
Are there circumstances that you’re trying to make ‘just so’ to meet some standards that you may have?
Do you need to know what other people are thinking or feeling to feel safe?
Do you expect others to behave in a way that is consistent with what you feel is right and acceptable? (Honestly?)

 One of the keys to life however, is being comfortable with uncertainty.
This allows you to live an expansive life – whilst you’re expanding internally.
By expanding internally, you learn to trust yourself.
And then nothing can really be uncertain. You’ll always be OK.
Have an awesome week, Being Perfectly You.
 www.completelyhuman.com

Take A Step Forward

At the risk of sounding totally cliched I’m surprised it’s the beginning of February already! This year is certainly galloping ahead and I’m along for the ride.

I’m involved in a number of projects at the moment – some daunting & intimidating – but everyday brings new learning for me. Part of this is the realisation of how much there still is to learn – and as always the best way to learn is to try something new. It brings out parts of you, until then unknown.

I glanced through my facebook newsfeed this morning to notice how many children started kindy, school, high school or even venturing overseas for the first time! Big steps forward for everyone involved (parents and children alike).

 So – Is there anything new and challenging that you’re currently undertaking in your life?  It needn’t be big or impressive to others, but still makes you fearful or anxious?  Give it a go as it may just be the something that takes you another step forward in your own development.

Whatever your challenges are and wherever they take you, remember that as always, it’s not about the actual doing or the outcome itself – but rather about who you’ll become in the process!

Have an awesome week, Being Perfectly You. 

PS. Animal Instinct inspiration cards for sale here: http://www.completelyhuman.com.au/animalinstincts

What Matters To You?

I forgot a friend’s birthday this month. A friend that I’ve known for over 20 years.

I really have no excuse, as it just so happens that 7 birthdays of close friends and family fall in the first week of January. So I’m usually prepared for this week and quite aware of each birthday on each day. But this year, I slipped up with her birthday which fell on the Saturday.

So, early on the Sunday morning (my time) I received a text message asking, “Are you OK? Just wondering why you forgot my birthday.”

I felt terrible!  But at the same time also a little in awe at her response. She was concerned, not angry.

She could’ve felt hurt, upset or chosen to sulk with me, but didn’t. Instead her initial reaction was the question “Are you OK?”

Why I particularly noticed this was because I’ve come across the flip side of this situation. I’ve seen someone who received multitudes of Facebook messages, calls and emails on her birthday – choose instead to focus her attention on being angry at the one person who hadn’t contacted her.  Aren’t we funny beings?

 It’s a fact that when you’re remembered, you feel important and that you matter. You feel that you’re worth remembering.  To better understand this, ask yourself, ‘When you’ve been forgotten, how do you feel?’

But remember, as always that in every situation you have a choice as to how you behave. Although you may FEEL hurt, THINK they’ve forgotten you – your response to all of this is your CHOICE.

Yes – A conscious choice.

So how do you react when you feel hurt or hard-done-by? Is it because you feel that others don’t treat you correctly? They don’t treat you as you feel you ‘should be’ treated? Should be treated according to your own standards and expectations.

 It’s a natural part of our human existence to have expectations of others. (Remembering friends’ birthdays is one of them). With my coaching clients, this often comes up as one of many self-imposed ‘rules’ for being good.

 But once again, as with behavioural choice, how you handle the expectations you place on others says more about you than the actual event or interaction does. For example, the way my friend responded to me says volumes more about her love, compassion, understanding and maturity than it does about my forgetfulness. Or about the fact that I could be considered a ‘bad friend’.

Her first point of call was concern and love. She assumed something had happened instead of engaging in a pity-party with herself. She felt no need to subtly ‘punish’ me. Calling this punishment may strike you as being extreme, but if you’re honest you’ll admit that it’s not an unfamiliar response to feeling hurt.

Humans are for the most part sensitive creatures who feel hurt quite easily. If you’ve taken something on board and feeling hurt, have a look at how your perception of yourself has been quashed. It is natural instinct to want to make yourself feel better.

Feeling like this merely means that you’re allowing someone else’s opinion about who you are to matter more than your own opinion. You’re allowing yourself to believe that you’re (a) unliked (b) unwanted (c) unaccepted (d) not good enough (e) unimportant or (f) anything else that may be relevant to you.

The sad truth however is that being hurt often develops (an oftentimes subconscious) need to retaliate. Retaliation can range from simple gossiping or sulking to pre-meditated revenge.  Sounds a bit like a playground doesn’t it?

 Take this opportunity to have a look at how you behave in circumstances of hurt:

• How do you choose to respond?
• Is there currently anything that you feel ‘hard-done by’? Does it serve you or can you let it go?
• What expectations do you hold regarding how people should treat- and think about you?
• Where are you choosing to invest your energy and focus? Is it worth it?

Wouldn’t it just be easier to approach things with Love & Compassion as an instinctual response instead of spending so much energy protecting yourself from hurts?

Dr Wayne Dyer often says “What other people think of you is none of your business”.

It’s important to rely on your own self. To build your own trust. Stephanie Dowrick says that inner trust makes the difference to being happy. Not only trust in what the world can see, but in who you most fundamentally are; a being of intrinsic value.

 I’d add onto that and say that inner trust makes all the difference to happiness, success, love, personal freedom and authenticity. And aren’t these the things that really matter, instead?

Stephanie Dowrick explains further that ‘Building trust from the inside out, self-knowledge frees you from the prison of self-absorption and the pain of constant self-questioning.’

Doesn’t that add value to the childhood saying ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words (or behaviours) can never hurt me’?

 How would you like to change your pre-conditioned playground behaviour and rather build firm foundations based on who you really are – valuing all the parts of yourself?  Give yourself permission to be everything. Even the forgetful part!

And then, miraculously, from that platform your first instinctual reaction to feelings of rejection or hurt becomes love, concern and compassion for others.

 Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude towards us.  John N Mitchell

What Matters To You?

Get Out Of Your Own Way

Recently I watched glimpses of a TV series about an FBI agent who lands up in a small town whilst investigating a case. She’s initially not welcome (as usual), but after a while the Sheriff offers her a job on his police force because, as he says, “Many people around here see things the way they want to. But you see things the way they are.”

Interesting words which we can all learn from. Sometimes the reality we experience is so limited by our preconditioned beliefs, fears and ways of thinking that we don’t see beyond ourselves.

We only know what we know and assume that to be reality. But this kind of assumption and perception keeps you stuck whereas getting your limited self out of your own way moves you forward.

You’ve probably already heard the saying that if you carry on thinking the same way you’ve always thought, you’ll continue to get the results you’ve always achieved.

So – this year – why not think bigger? Be brave enough to discover a different truth. Give your small-time, scared thinking the boot.

What if you didn’t think “I can’t do it” or “I’ll never find someone who ticks all the boxes”?

What if, instead, you faced your life & relationships from a broader, more open-minded perspective?

Who knows what’s out there, beyond the limited vision, criticism and judgment you may have? You may well be pleasantly surprised!

Dreams…

Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal. (Ralph Vaull Starr)

 

 

Thoughts For The New Year

I heard some TV presenters this morning laughing at the concept, New Year’s Resolutions. “Don’t make them, we all just break them anyway,” the one presenter generalised.
I found myself nodding in agreement. But then started thinking (a coaching hazard of mine) – why call them Resolutions? That’s just silly.

A better question is: How do you IMAGINE your 2011 to be?
Think about the year in terms of possibility instead of rules.

And then have a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Happy New Year

Hello World!

Welcome to the Completely Human world. I’ll be sharing thoughts, ideas, readings, happenings and pretty much anything with you – that hopefully will inspire you to give yourself permission to be Completely Human (fully who you are!).

Enjoy!