Being a coach who works a lot with the shadow self, I got excited at a possible wider concept of that statement.

Imagine if we as adults were comfortable enough with ourselves to excitedly say to one another, “Hey, look at my shadow. This is my selfish side!” or
“Hey, look at my shadow. This is my lazy side!” or
“Hey, look at my shadow. This is my cruel side!”

So, what do I mean by shadow self?
These are those ugly little secrets you hold about yourself hoping no one (not even yourself) will ever really find out.
I often hear clients say, “I try so hard to be a good person. I don’t want to do bad things.”
And I then ask them, “How hard do you try to be this good person? What kind of effort do you spend being perfect? Is it really working for you?”

Just because you don’t admit these darker, shadow elements of yourself doesn’t mean they’re not there. You may just be skilled at pretending they don’t exist. Because life teaches and preaches that you must be ‘good’ to be accepted, it’s no wonder that admitting to anything that makes you not good… makes you, well…. Bad.

But the irony is that you’ll find your freedom when you acknowledge and own these shadow aspects of yourself. As will everyone.
What is your reaction when your friend says, “I can’t believe I did that! It was so stupid!”
Don’t you immediately find a situation when you were as stupid to make him/her feel okay?
Yes – you’ve also had stupid moments. You’ve had lazy moments. You’ve had jealous moments. You’ve had sulky moments.
Do I need to continue?

So yes – you’ve experienced something of everything, but each experience by no means defines who you are. It’s therefore useless (let alone hard work!) to overcompensate and pretend that these aspects of you don’t exist.

Just own them, with the understanding that if you’ve done something silly, it doesn’t mean you’re stupid – It just means that you’ve done something silly. A big differentiation.
Just because you’ve had a lazy day, doesn’t mean you’re a lazy person. You just felt lazy today. A big differentiation.

By allowing your shadow aspects to emerge every now and then, you’ll find that life becomes easier. You may discover that by allowing yourself one lazy day easily provides you with 6 productive days, instead of struggling to be productive for 7 days because you ‘have to’.

Another benefit of owning your own shadow side is that you develop deeper (and more real) compassion for others. You’ll notice that others are also lazy every now and then… and that’s OK. You give yourself more permission to be who you are and you do so with others as well.
Relationships and perceptions change.

Facing and owning your shadow is one of most liberating things you can do for yourself. Carl Jung refers to your shadow as a ‘sparring partner” which means the moment you make peace with all aspects of yourself, you stop fighting with yourself.
That’s where inner peace develops from!

Debbie Ford describes the shadow as your teacher, trainer and guide that supports you in uncovering your true magnificence.

There is no greater gift you can give yourself than permission to be everything that you already are. Stop fighting with yourself and practice self-acceptance. You’re not perfect all the time, but can only be perfectly who you are. Always.

There’s the old Michael Jackson song, Man in the Mirror “If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself….”

The Shadow, of course never dies; we always cast a shadow. But how we relate to it, and it to us, depends on whether it is known. Once known, we have inevitably lost an innocence that can never be recovered. What replaces it is knowledge of the complexity of our nature. Sometimes we are fortunate, and this knowledge elicits a kindness and tolerance in us for others — even, perhaps for ourselves.
Deena Metzger

Count Your Blessings

How many people do you have in your life that truly care about you?
And I don’t mean people that meet your expectations, say the right things or do what you want them to do.
But merely people who really care about YOU, just as you are.

I’ve recently had an experience that showed me how many people care and I am still counting my blessings.

Why don’t you do the same and express your gratitude to these people in your life?
You’ll discover how blessed you are with what you already have!

Have a wonderful week, Being Perfectly You.
www.completelyhuman.com

I walk down a street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I pretend I don’t see it
I fall in again
I can’t believe I’m in the same place
But it isn’t my fault
It still takes a long time to get out

I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there
I still fall in… it’s a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is MY fault
I get out immediately

I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it

I walk down another street.
(Taken from the Tibetan Book of Livng and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche)

Have an awesome week, Being Perfectly You.
www.completelyhuman.com
PS. Come journey with us.
The next ‘Authentic’ 8-week course starts on Tuesday, 7th June at 6.30pm. Book now at:

http://ee.completelyhuman.com.au/workshops/your-personal-wealth/

Toni Carmine Salerno expresses this beautifully…
“We travel the endless corridors of our mind until one day we find a pathway that leads us to our heart. Who you are has nothing to do with your personality, or your achievements, successes or failures. The ‘you’ you think you are is an actor, playing a role that your soul has chosen. You are an eternal spark of pure creativity, unlimited potential that yearns to be expressed and fulfilled. Your potential is your destiny, it awaits your call. Trust your heart and apply its love and wisdom to all you do. In this way, all you create or do will be a true expression of your soul. It is through your truth that you create things of lasting value.
Be true to you.”

Have an awesome week, Being Perfectly You.

Shutting down my laptop the other evening, a macabre thought flittered through my mind, “I wonder what would be ‘discovered’ about me should something happen to me overnight.”
What would my laptop reveal?
My bank records? My telephone records?
What would people report back about me?

NO – this is not an exercise in paranoia concern about what people think about me, but rather how authentic am I living?
Do I still have things I’m possibly hiding? Do I still have secrets?

So – this week consider what the reasons are you hide things.
Does your life really look the way people think it does?
Are you really the person people think you are?

Why the need to pretend?
And how much effort is this taking from you?

Some interesting things for you to consider this Easter season.
Have a festive season, being Perfectly You.

PS. Look at all the exciting things happening.
Visit our news page: http://www.completelyhuman.com/whatsnews

• She wanted a slide flipped over to the step-side for her to be able to climb up into her play-gym. She kept tugging at it until I understood and turned it around. She then bounded up the steps happily.
• At one point, I found her sitting in her stroller, strapping herself in. She clearly wanted to be taken for a walk.
• At dinner time, she pointed at her high chair, wanting to be lifted into it. She was hungry.

She made the babysitting experience incredibly easy. Just having her needs met, as she expressed them, made her feel content and peaceful. And, oddly enough, they weren’t tough needs to meet.

Why then, as adults do we lose the ability to clearly communicate to others, especially our partners, what we want from them?
Is it because at some level we believe that old adage of ‘if he really loves me and understands me, then he’ll know what I want.” But all that this kind of ‘guessing’ communication achieves is to make your life harder for yourself.

You’ll have certain needs in life; love, security, support, acknowledgement, respect, sincerity, communication, freedom etc. Asking for some of these from your partner is part and parcel of any relationship – just as feeding and playing with Lauren was part of babysitting her.
It’s what I signed up to do – but I was fortunate – she helped me. When changing her for bed and struggling to get her top off, she actually stood up and raised her little arms over her head! Easy.

So – why so often do I see the ‘punishing’ regime playing out in relationships as opposed to a supporting one? It’s often easier to punish someone for NOT doing something you expected without ever having told them what you wanted from them in the first place.
I suggest 3 steps to start changing this in your life:
1. Acknowledge your needs
2. Express your needs
3. Meet your needs

Although this may sound obvious, it’s important first to ascertain what your needs are. Both in a relationship and outside of one. By not acknowledging needs, you run the risk of having them glossed over, never met and one day you suddenly feel that something is wrong. And then you think you never saw it coming, but, it was, in fact always there. But, because you didn’t know what you needed, there was no way of having them met.

Lauren is as yet unable to meet her own needs, but has become an expert at applying steps 1 and 2 to get a carer to do step 3. That’s where she’s at. I was more than happy to make her happy – she just needed to show me how.

The irony is that as an evolving adult, you can for the most part meet all your own needs, but somehow as a species, we’ve regressed. We seem to lose the desire and ability to acknowledge our needs, let alone express them.
What are your needs? List them if necessary and work out how they can be met.

Being in a relationship is designed to make your life more pleasant and actually, easier. This means you have a ‘partner’ in the true sense of the word to help you get through life. Why not let this person help meet some of your needs, once you own them for yourself?

Tell your partner your needs. And how you’d like them met. This includes being loved. We all have different ways of being loved – and showing your partner what this means to you, is the first step to having it met.
Note: Remember that you are first and foremost whole in your own right. Your partner is not there to complete you – but to support and love you. Needs of another should be met with no risk to self-compromise. This encourages the blossoming of both individuals; not one at the detriment of the other.

Isn’t it ironic that it takes a couple of years to learn how to speak – but the rest of your life to learn how to truly communicate?
And as always, it starts with YOU.

I felt sentimental and a longing for the ‘old’ days.
Often things today are jazzed up, speeded up and bigger than Ben Hur. (I actually saw the live Ben Hur event in Sydney and it was… well, big!)

Is there still a place today for simplicity?
What can you simplify in order to be more effective and meaningful?

How can you, being simply you, stand out in the demanding, high-paced life in which you find yourself?

Have a wonderful week, Being Perfectly You.
www.completelyhuman.com

PS. The next ‘Authentic’ course (8 weeks) starts on Tuesday (5th April) at 6.30pm. Book now at:

http://ee.completelyhuman.com.au/workshops/your-personal-wealth/

Although we don’t all live as traditionally as this anymore, we do however go through similar cycles in our own lifestyles. We have periods of sowing (hard work) and times of reaping (rewards and rest).

You know, for example, that it’s easy to live actively, healthier and stick to your goals in summer, but something happens in winter when your first choice is to hibernate. This is a natural part of the rhythm of life.

Therefore acknowledge where you’re at now, giving thanks and reaping your own rewards for your ‘personal summer’. Do this before you start beating yourself up for being lazy during your winter-inertia!
Give thanks for what you’ve achieved in the past season of your life. Also acknowledge how you’ve grown, personally, spiritually and financially.
Autumn is a good time to evaluate your own harvest and renew your commitment to your own life.